Follow my lead my faithful minions, for I shall lead you to hoops bliss. This is the Hoops Manifesto:
Thou shall enjoy the NBA but thou shall prefer the collegiate version, with its raucous crowds and players with upside and length.
Thou shall view with disdain players who writhe around the floor in pain, dramatizing their injuries (we speak your name, Paul “Mr. Wheelchair” Pierce).
Thou shall worship the wise sage known as Hubie Brown, for he is truly a god among men.
Thou shall miss Bill Walton and his innumerable mentions of Elgin Baylor.
Thou shall believe that timeouts should be banned in the last minute of games, for there is nothing more annoying than over coaching.
Thou shall prefer players who display originality and march to their own drummer.
Thou shall believe that hip hop music died at the end of last century, so all musical references within these hallowed walls shall be from 20th century hip hop (and maybe some Dylan).
Thou shalt refrain from the use of cliched slang such as “swag” and trite nicknames that involve initials and jersey numbers.
Thou shall pine for the good ol‘ days of the NBA, when players were allowed to mercifully foul thy opponents.
Thou would have liked to come up with some more commandments, but thou is tired.
Now go my children, go and spread the gospel across the land.